Thursday, January 8, 2009

Peaking Out From Behind the Curtain

Oh yes. We're back. Me and my arrow. Blogging got drag so I left it for a bit. This morning, 1000 lightyears from the last post I woke up with something to say. I think this blogger needed to disconnect from: the parents.com gig that made me think all I could write about was parenting; the people who know and love me and read this blog regularly and then call me to ask if I'm in a bad mood; myself. My readership is now down to one - me. So here we go...

Despite the freedom of content a note of course about parenting: we have a friend who is mom to an 8 year old girl and when her daughter is angry this friend gets so freaking angry herself and then it's a screaming match and everyone is out of control, which got me thinking that my daughter's anger definitely does not anger me. I don't get angry when she's angry. But I do get really angry sometimes at weird other things like: when she steps on my toe, doesn't swallow her saliva and begins talking as if she has a cleft palette (I want to shout SWALLOW!), when she trashes her room, when she dawdles and we're running late. These things make me nuts. I don't lose it but I clench my teeth and then daughter says "Mommy you're tense" which makes me even nutsier. But flat out rage on her part, screaming at me, never upsets me. I think good for her and I hope she is okay.

And I have friend who hits her child. Enlightened lesbian Boston where everyone recycles and saves flood victims in New Orleans and donates to homeless shelters and supports Obama, JFC if you know what I mean. Hitting is never okay. Some people will disagree and frankly I don't care to hear from them, which I won't because now I am the only reader of this blog. How do you teach your child not to hit by hitting them? How do you teach them to control their aggressive impulses when you yourself don't? Model the behavior you want.

Maybe I will only write when I am angry. Maybe I should rename this blog Are You My Angry Mother?

Maybe.

11 comments:

M. said...

welcome back -- I'm new since you took a blogiatus, but you're on my blog roll!

Ms. Moon said...

Yes, welcome back.
I had a friend who could not control her anger with her child. There was screaming. There was hitting.
The child is a young woman now and their relationship is shit. I don't know if there will ever be time in the world for them to work this out.

Anonymous said...

Yeah - welcome back! Just when I was about to take you off the list of blogs I check regularly you're back - magic! I'm glad you're alright and I'm looking forward to your insights on all kinds of things, though as a European lesbian mom of a 6-year-old daughter your day-to-day observations were/are special to me: similarities, differences ... Sorry to say you're not the only reader after all.

downtown guy said...

I'm not a parent and probably will never be, but hitting a kid just seems like the worst kind of choice you could make. I mean, it violates everything I feel about children and about violence in general. When I see parents hit their kids, I want to grab their hands and shout, "Pick on someone your own size!"

But then, my mama is Ms. Moon, and my sisters and I weren't raised in violence. Can it simply be coincidence that we have the healthiest relationships with mama and the rest of our parents of anyone I know? I doubt it.

This Mom said...

I'm glad to see you're blogging again. I found your blog not long before you stopped, but have gone back and read your archives. Hope you had a good holiday!

Are You My Mothers said...

Thanks everyone. Downtown Guy, Ms. Moon seems like a very cool person to have as a mom.

StephLove said...

We don't spank and I don't believe in spanking but I understand why people do sometimes-- the frustration, the anger, the helplessness you feel when nothing is going right. This parenting gig can be hard.

What I understand less is making the decision to spank calmly, as a matter of policy.

LandS'smama said...

What is it with kids and NOT SWALLOWING THEIR SPIT!!!! My daughter constantly plays with hers. DRIVES ME INSANE!

Anonymous said...

I was beginning to think something was wrong with my daughter and I was going to take her to the doctor. She just started holding her spit in her mouth a few days ago!! I even had to let her tote a "spit cup" with a napkin the other day in the car on a short road trip. It is driving me CRAZY!! Does anyone know why kids do this. I sure hope it is a stage she will pass (QUICK)

Anonymous said...

To Anonymous - uncanny. My recently turned 5 year old just started this "spit thing" the other day. She holds onto it and will not swallow it - she spits it into her sleeve. I almost considered a spit cup myself yesterday. If you find a solution/any insight into this, please reply!

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